Hi everyone. This is my first post and sharing of this song. I digitally arranged the music, wrote the lyrics and sang.
I am hoping to get your opinions, It's just in demo form at the moment. I am hoping to add spoken word near the end, where the reed organ kicks in...and maybe rearrange the la la la's which i sing at the back of the choruses to the spaces that have no singing, what do you guys think? See attachment below to hear the song!
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First of all, welcome! Hope you enjoy it here!
Now to the song..
Can we have lyrics posted? From what I can hear, it's a very nice quality demo, but I'm having trouble putting all the words together; having said that, my critique would be that on a "demo" you should keep effects and vocal layering to a minimum. What you have is almost a premaster that needs mixed down a little more. It seems like a nice song, but I either need words posted or to listen to it with the vocals pushed a little more and the effects levels brought down :)
Thank you for the lyrics. I really do like the song (many references to Jesus singing in scripture, and that's often overlooked), and I like your vocal quality, too. I understand works in progress, trust me :) Personally, I'd back down the effects level if I were you (I'm sure you planned to make adjustments to that anyhow). But you have a beautiful voice and too much effects can detract from that rather than enhance it. Just my 2 cents worth! Keep it up, you have a wonderful gift!
Well, as a worship leader, my reaction is that this just goes too slowly to use as a congregational song, especially since the message of the song is basically a positive one. So if this was my song, I would probably work it out so that the lyrics went by a lot faster, made this more of a celebration.
Something else I might try - and I don't know if this would work or not - would be to switch this into present tense... "and Jesus sings... he fills the place... whereever He is..." and even start it out "He rises to His feet..."
Might also consider flipping the sections of the chorus around... there is enough rhyming in the rest of the song that I get the sense you're trying to rhyme, and that "God followed" line is just such a stretch trying to rhyme with "soul." By flipping it around to:
...and Jesus sang
With heart and soul
Wherever He was
...and Jesus sang
With strength and grace
He filled the place
...it feels like a stronger way to end the chorus. To me. Your song, your call. And, ya know, ask anybody, this is what I do when I comment on songs... then I have to go away for a while...
This is a topic I have never seen written about, very nice.
I do agree with Charles that this topic seems to be an uplifting thought and I would think you would marry the lyrics to a melody more upbeat.
I am not sure if the super reverb on the vox is supposed to give it an unearthly feel............it did. like you are an angel singing about Our Lord
I did not really catch a "Hook"
and the chorus did not really set itself apart from the verse.
What are your thoughts about the purpose of this song? Is this for congregational worship?
Maybe for the encouragement of the saints?
I hear it as more of a soaking song.
With that in mind I guess the slow tempo and the effects would work. So that's all good.
However, I would encourage you to have another look at this and give it a chance as an upbeat worship song for the congregation.
(actually I almost already hear it in my head)
Your song ends abruptly, but I know this is just a work tape.
Many blessings to you in your ministry