First off, I'm thankful for this website and all its many different benefits... thank you Lord for prospering this vision!
Ok, right to it... I'm in a bit of a quandary right now. It's been a rather long complicated road to bring me to this point so I'll do my best to stick to the highlights and get to the point of what I'm seeking.
This all started with a decision from my 16 year old daughter asking her mom and me if she could start attending the adult bible classes with us. That occurred in January of this year and we talked about it, asked her of her reasoning and decided it best to make her wait until she was 17. She turned 17 in September. Upon turning 17, we had her do this:
1. Consult with her regular school teacher. The school is an extension of our church. Her school teacher told her she felt she was mature enough, both emotionally, spiritually and scripturally for the adult class.
2. Consult with the pastor and his wife. We met with the pastor and he agreed that she was mature enough to go ahead and be a part of the adult class. We agreed upon a date for her to do this (a couple of weeks later) and thought... that was easy... :).
In the event the question in your mind pops in, what about talking to her youth leader in transferring to the adult class? Well, he was the reason we decided it was okay for her to leave at 17 instead of waiting until 18… long story… too much drama… won’t go there. (Side note: her decision to leave the class would mean she would have to leave the youth group all together, which she was willing to do.)
Here's where my information gets shady as I wasn't privy to any direct conversations, so I won't even attempt to decipher the unknowns. The known is this, the day before the agreed upon date I was called to meet the pastor, who told me we couldn’t go through with the decision as it may cause a church split. Unfortunately, I still don’t understand just how that could happen, but believe you me, I certainly don’t want to be involved in such a thing.
So, we agreed to allow her to attend a “Transition Class”, lead by the pastor’s wife until a solution could be reached. The transition class lasted for five weeks. This past Saturday, I was asked to meet with the pastor and the solution was basically that they didn’t know how to resolve this and asked that we not attend the Sunday classes for the remainder of the year.
Side note: I don’t question my pastor’s heart towards me and my family. I believe he, himself, is truly torn apart over this, but simply doesn’t know what to do. Our family did stay home this Sunday from the classes and showed up to service as asked. (I’m over the media ministry and both my daughter and I are on the worship team). We do feel the Lord has called us to this particular body, but we just feel so wronged in this situation and are having a hard time finding peace in it.
I have sought some outside council from a couple of seasoned pastors who have both encouraged me to keep talking with my pastor and seek out another solution.
I guess what I’m looking for here is:
1.Your prayers – I need wisdom in how to handle this and control over my tongue and mind. This involves my daughter and now my entire family and I tend to to get protective of them, sometimes losing my sense of reasoning.
2.Any suggestions for creative solutions that I can give back to my pastor for consideration.
If you’re still reading… :)… I thank you and God bless you.

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Hi Jim,

Sorry to hear about your situation - it sounds like this transition wasn't planned by you guys and that the leadership of your church dealt you some pretty heavy wounds (spiritually / emotionally). We'll be praying for you and your family, I'm sure that Jesus has something special in mind for all of you.

Do yourself (and your family) a favor, and seek some inner healing before jumping straight into ministry somewhere else. I'm not saying don't find another church -- what I intend to say is that it is fruitful to handle those wounds now, even though it is painful. I've seen too many folks with good hearts and good intentions attempt to bury their wounds (even by being consumed with ministry tasks), only to have them resurface in weird ways in the future. Quality time with Jesus is a good thing at this point. : )
Thank you... that's sound advice. We're still going through emotion after emotion, so the prayers that are coming our way are truly appreciated. Right now our plan is to take the rest of the year, visit some churches we've been wanting to visit for a while amd take some much needed family vacation time.

I myself am seeking some council from a couple of pastorial friends of mine so I can quickly bring this to rest in my own mind and heart and help my family move forward from this. I'm doing my best to keep in mind that every ending has a new beginning.

2 Peter 3:13 - Nevertheless we, according to his promise, look for new heavens and a new earth, wherein dwelleth righteousness.
That sounds like a good plan. You may also find help in ministries that specialize in inner healing and reconciliation - like John 17 Ministries.
Am I to assume that you feel hard hit by this because of the ties and relationships that you've formed at this Church? Or is there some really bad thing that happened ? (I don't want to know) I'm not sure how there is a need for counseling and stuff unless it's the latter.
Losing the ties and relationships of your church (especially if you've been there for a long time) can be very painful and traumatic, and more so if you have been forced to leave by a select few over something that was no fault of your own. No disrespect, Stevo, but have you ever lived through one of these situations? (and I pray you never do...) It's not an easy thing.

Counseling is a very good idea - it is very important to have someone that you can talk this through with or bitterness will slowly begin to take over your life.
Stevo -
If what you mean by really bad is was their something morally inappropriate done to us...well then no. It's a family ran church that we thought we could help grow and move forward. Our hurt is our loss of time, investment and most importantly our relationships with many of the body members. As Rick pointed out, the counceling is simply to ensure we're holding ourselves accountable and our goal is that we actually gain wisdom from this event, learn what we need to learn from it, and move forward.
Jim, when you've come to some form of closure on this matter, how about you write something about your journey and what you found helpful? We all know that you are certainly not alone in having to face all this, and maybe if you share your experience you may make the road a little easier for some other sibling-in-Christ.

Just a thought! No rush... :)
Junjie -
I most certainly will do that. It'll take a little while to allow all these emotions to run their course, but I will certainly attempt to do what you suggested.

Good thought! :)


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