I am a little shy about trying to consistently share my songs on these sites. However, I really want to know what you all think of this one. I wrote this song 6 or 7 months ago. I think and hope it will be self explanatory.

Beautiful Design

Music & Lyrics Written by: Terrance McCoy

Verse 1:

One husband .. One wife .. For life .. It’s His great design

His present .. For Parents .. Every child .. It’s His great design

Chorus:

It is His beautiful .. His beautiful .. His beautiful design (repeat)

Verse 2:

Our freedom .. to know Him .. or deny .. It’s His great design

The way and .. The truth and .. He’s the life .. It’s His great design

Chorus

Verse 3:

We’re serving .. We’re loving .. We’re His bride .. It’s His great design

He’s drawing .. He’s saving .. God’s grace gives life .. It’s His great design

Bridge:

Devil aint got no paper

Devil aint got no pen

Devil can’t go in places that God is dwelling in

Chorus:

It is His beautiful .. His beautiful .. His beautiful design (repeat)

 Beautiful%2520Design.mp3

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On a first listen, I feel like this would be really hard for a congregation to "pick up" from just hearing.  It's like there are some extra bars of 2/4 in there or something... for congregational singing, I would really try to smooth out the rhythms, make it "catchier" and easier to learn. 

Also, this recording sounds like it's almost too high for YOUR voice, and I would certainly have to transpose it down a few keys for me to sing, or a congregation to sing.  I can do that, but it just... it almost made my throat hurt listening to it.  For a congregation of untrained singers, keep in mind the "C to shining C" rule.

Also, with the bridge... the verses are in almost "Biblical" language (not KJV, but, like, RSV or something) and then the bridge comes in with all the "ain't got no" lines.  They didn't fit together for me.

I attend a liberal-leaning church where I don't think we would be comfortable with these lyrics anyway... I don't want to start a big theological discussion, but I wanted to point out a couple things that you might consider working on to make this more effective as a song.  Hope my comments are helpful...

This is not a worship (congregational) song. I am sorry about that. I was trying to find a site to receive critique on a radio contemporary song. I'm sorry for wasting your time on this.

Hey, no problem.  Even as a performance song, I would still suggest that you move it down a few steps and that you think about that issue of the "language style" in the bridge vs. the rest of the song.  And even if a congregation doesn't have to learn the song, I guess I'd still suggest trying to make it a little bit more catchy, memorable. 

Some really enjoyable features in this song.  I like the melody throughout, especially the chorus.  I appreciate that reminder of Journey's "Don't Stop Believing" in the piano play without it being overly borrowed.  I not sure how the lyrics in the bridge tie into everything else, or what you mean in the lyrics, but I like the feel of the melody and rhythm in the bridge.  (BTW, I'm not one of those that feels the need to understand your intent in all of the lyrics immediately.  I like it when a song makes me think a little to figure out the meaning - so long as that meaning isn't so difficult to find that it actually remains meaningless, or requires a hermeneutics professor to figure it out).  Overall, the song, and your performance of it cause me to want to hear more.

Hey Brian, thank you for the highly respected and welcomed critique. I am taking a chance on the bridge! haha This is a strongly driven contemporary song. I think with production, I will be able to make the bridge work but.. we shall see.

I am trying to say that Satan has no way or power to rewrite God's perfect design. He lies. As often as the world tries to connect the "God thing" with simply being a "Southern thing", I drew up the lyrics in a southern way to answer that gut punch..in a loving and honest way. It's different but I want to be different. Just not too different. lol

Thanks brother!

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