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Permalink Reply by Charles Wolff on November 10, 2015 at 5:32pm

On a first listen, I feel like this would be really hard for a congregation to "pick up" from just hearing.  It's like there are some extra bars of 2/4 in there or something... for congregational singing, I would really try to smooth out the rhythms, make it "catchier" and easier to learn. 

Also, this recording sounds like it's almost too high for YOUR voice, and I would certainly have to transpose it down a few keys for me to sing, or a congregation to sing.  I can do that, but it just... it almost made my throat hurt listening to it.  For a congregation of untrained singers, keep in mind the "C to shining C" rule.

Also, with the bridge... the verses are in almost "Biblical" language (not KJV, but, like, RSV or something) and then the bridge comes in with all the "ain't got no" lines.  They didn't fit together for me.

I attend a liberal-leaning church where I don't think we would be comfortable with these lyrics anyway... I don't want to start a big theological discussion, but I wanted to point out a couple things that you might consider working on to make this more effective as a song.  Hope my comments are helpful...

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Permalink Reply by Terrance McCoy on November 10, 2015 at 8:05pm

This is not a worship (congregational) song. I am sorry about that. I was trying to find a site to receive critique on a radio contemporary song. I'm sorry for wasting your time on this.

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Permalink Reply by Charles Wolff on November 11, 2015 at 12:10am

Hey, no problem.  Even as a performance song, I would still suggest that you move it down a few steps and that you think about that issue of the "language style" in the bridge vs. the rest of the song.  And even if a congregation doesn't have to learn the song, I guess I'd still suggest trying to make it a little bit more catchy, memorable. 

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Permalink Reply by Brian Lawson on November 11, 2015 at 10:23pm

Some really enjoyable features in this song.  I like the melody throughout, especially the chorus.  I appreciate that reminder of Journey's "Don't Stop Believing" in the piano play without it being overly borrowed.  I not sure how the lyrics in the bridge tie into everything else, or what you mean in the lyrics, but I like the feel of the melody and rhythm in the bridge.  (BTW, I'm not one of those that feels the need to understand your intent in all of the lyrics immediately.  I like it when a song makes me think a little to figure out the meaning - so long as that meaning isn't so difficult to find that it actually remains meaningless, or requires a hermeneutics professor to figure it out).  Overall, the song, and your performance of it cause me to want to hear more.

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Permalink Reply by Terrance McCoy on November 12, 2015 at 5:09am

Hey Brian, thank you for the highly respected and welcomed critique. I am taking a chance on the bridge! haha This is a strongly driven contemporary song. I think with production, I will be able to make the bridge work but.. we shall see.

I am trying to say that Satan has no way or power to rewrite God's perfect design. He lies. As often as the world tries to connect the "God thing" with simply being a "Southern thing", I drew up the lyrics in a southern way to answer that gut punch..in a loving and honest way. It's different but I want to be different. Just not too different. lol

Thanks brother!

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