I'm not going to say a lot here.
Other than to share that I suffer with pretty bad depression and anxiety.
I have led worship for many years and know that God has annointed me to lead others into his presence and to push creative boundaries within worship at the same time as not alienating the congregation. I have a pastors heart so I try and balance taking new ground with making sure the body of Christ that I am part of is not left behind confused and frustrated.
I also work with men and women recovering from addiction to substances and alcohol. Pretty full on I guess.
However, the truth is that I get to the point where I get totally overloaded, stop processing what I am feeling and grind to a complete stop. I end up good for nothing and stop functioning as a husband, dad, colleague, worship leader etc
I am on various medications to try and help me lift my head above the waves, this frustrates me but I am also pragmatic enough to recognise that whilst medication is not the cure, it can help me get back on my feet so I can work out what has gone wrong etc
The reason I am posting this is not to wallow in pity or even to fish for comforting comments. Neither of this I want or need. I am more interested in seeing if any of you have had or are having similar experiences to me. I know King David was a pretty emotional bloke how loved God, loved creating, made a ton of mistakes but has influenced dramatically the was God's people express there worship to God but also express their emotions to him as well.
My Point is that I reckon those of us who are both creative and are on the front line of leading the body of Christ in worship and praise are probably susceptible to the kind of experineces I am talking about...
What is your story...????
Hi Andrew, I can totally relate to your sufferings. i guess the thing that I dislike the most regarding "helpful advice" is the misunderstanding of this suffering as always a spiritual attack. No one in their right mind would ever tell you "you need to pray more, or "you have sin in your life" that's causing this if you were suffering with heart disease or cancer and yet it this is often the well intentioned "advice" of those who have never suffered this real and physical disease. This advise only makes things worse and creates a place for Satan to have a hay day in feeding you lie upon lie.
For those that have never suffered in this way you cannot even imagine how awful this suffering is and you should thank God every day that you don't. We all suffer with down days and set backs but this is not the same as when our brains for some reason go haywire. We are not alone I believe David suffered with the very same thing and you can see it in his writings... Just like with Cancer, Heart disease the many other physical maladies we come to God and ask for physical healing. Be encouraged Andrew!! God is great!!
I am not depressed nor have I ever been, but I understand the pressures and how it can happen to anyone. I, without reading everyone elses replys so please excuse me if I repeat anything, would say think of some things you may be able to step back from in your life and concentrate on what is the most important to you, it will help you to focus on God and Worshiping Him better if you don't have too many other things bringing you down. Pray and let God show you what it is thats bringing you down and ask God to help pull you out of it. He wishes that you worship Him so He will help you through it. The more you focus on God the less you will focus on the depression. Most of the time it is worshop that will get you out of depression,. At first you may have to force yourself to do it but after a whileitwill get easyer and easyer.
Hope this helps, and i will be praying for you.
Hi there and thank you for your honesty ;0)
My personal experience is that as a worship leader the enemy will always come against my mind first, whereas I used to think what is wrong with me, I now recognise what it is, the Lord has taught me to come against those attacks in mind.
I beleive in the body of Christ and especially when in a leadership role in can be hard to show any kind of vunerabilty thinking that is somehow makes us less 'spiritual' or Godly or annointed if we face challenges or battles, when actually the Lord has taught me that being open makes the best leaders, because His power is made perfect in our weaknesses.
As worship leaders we are always going to come against attacks in our minds, because worshiping the Father makes the enemy mad, and he'll try anything and everything he can to try and shut it down.
On many occasions, when I've tried to worship the Lord at home, just to be in His presence, because there, in His presence, is where home is for me, You can guarantee the phone will ring, someone will knock on the door, the kids will start fighting, hubby will have an emergency, the dog will go crazy! ha ha ha ha. I've learnt to overcome this too. I've got to the point where I think forget this! I can't play my keyboard so I'll lock myself in the loo and just love on the Lord in there! ha ha ha ha
With regard to my mind, i've had battles all my life, but just knowing you're not alone and others go through the same thing is an amazing encouragement.
I've finally got to the point, after many years, to speak the word when I get bombarding thoughts. Its amazing how you can forget to do this! lol I believe its the Holy Spirit reminding me. And when I can't remember any scriptures either cos I'm so stressed out, I know to open His word. I've had times, when I've just thought - Just read, read anything!, just to get His Word in my mind.
The biggest thing the Lord is teaching me is to rest, and I've found that after running a million miles an hour, I struggle more with my mind and being able to deal with daily living. I don't believe this pleases God at all.
There is a time for all things under heaven and this includes rest, if God doesn't restore us and fill us how can we expect God to be able to use us to minister to others and to Him.
For me, the minute is gets complicated something is wrong, because His burden is easy and His yoke is light, and in His presence there is fullness of joy. So thats the point where I really have to seek His face and say ok Lord what am I doing wrong?, in my eagerness am I running ahead of you?, am I trying to do it all and in my own strength. I give it to Him, I leave it at His feet and I trust Him. And I believe in everything and anything, one of the greatest gifts we can give to Father is trusting Him.
Its not our job to fix people, its our job to LEAD people to Father who will heal and restore.
This is my experience and I hope it encourages.
I really like that---"Its not our job to fix people, its our job to lead them to the Father"
Reminds me a little of something Joyce Meyer says, I cant remember it exactly but is
close to We are supposed to be 'fishers of men', and as fishers of men we catch them,
its not our job to clean them!
Absolutely Diana ;0)
The word says to carry one anothers burdens, but then Jesus said cast your burdens upon me because my burden is easy and my yoke is light. I think as leaders, or even as friends, we forget to cast our burdens upon Jesus. We listen to peoples troubles and we take them on because of the compassion that Jesus has put in us, then we listen to another, and another, before we know it we are feeling tired, and we start to feel depressed. Buts its not that Jesus doesn't want us to love and have compassion, what we forget to do is give each one to Jesus at the time that we take the burden. Then we'll be able to stand and have perfect peace. What tends to happen is, because in our humaness, its natural to 'hear' a problem and then worry... and Jesus do not worry or be anxious for anything for the Father know what you need before you ask Him. ;0) Then fear can set in, and Jesus said I have not given you a spirit of fear but of power, or love and a ...SOUND MIND.
In His presence there is fullness of joy, peace, love and resortation.