I just had to post this as a discussion thread. It's too good. It was not written by me. Please take the time to read this and let's discuss it.

How to Write An Awful Worship Song

Written by Stephen Altrogge



So you finally learned to play the guitar and now you’re wondering, “How do I write a truly awful worship song?”

You’ve come to the right place my friend. Here are some sure fire ways to write a truly horrible worship song.

Recycle A Love Song.

Write a song for your girlfriend. When she breaks up with you, convert it into a worship song. Be sure to change all uses of “girl” or “baby”.

Use Time Tested Rhymes.

Make sure that you rhyme “love” and “above” at least twice. The song becomes doubly awful if you can also incorporate the word “dove”. Example: “You sent your love from above, makes my heart feel like a pure white dove.” You get the point.

Be Vague About Your Theology

Make sure to avoid any theology at all costs. Don’t talk about atonement, wrath, or any other biblical concepts. You want your song to be all about feeling. Don’t let the mind get in the way. Repeat after
me: “Worship is a warm feeling, sort of like heartburn, only better.”

Make the Song All About You

The main point of your song should be your experiences and how God makes you feel. Don’t bother with objective truth about God. I would suggest that you use the words “I” or “me” at least 12-15 times. For
example, “I feel like singing, yes I feel like spinning, because You make me feel so good inside. Like it’s my birthday, but more awesome.”

Be Incredibly Poetic

If you can, muddy the waters with poetic phrases that don’t make much sense. Example: “Your love is like a warm summer’s breeze, washing over my heart like a crystal river.”

Use Well-Worn Musical Progressions

If you can, keep your music and melody boring. I would suggest that you use no more than four distinct notes in a song, so that by the time someone is done listening to it they want to scream. A worship scream, but a scream nonetheless. It also helps if you use the chords G, C, and D over and over.

Defend Your Song Like It’s Your Firstborn Child


Do not, I repeat, do not, let anyone make suggestions for improvement. Tell people that God laid the song on your heart. Tell people that you really want to preserve the artistic integrity of the song. Tell people that you already did the song at your campus ministry and that a revival broke out. Don’t take advice from anyone.There you have it. Seven ways to write a terrible worship song. You can thank me later.

What else would you add to the list?

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OK, I obviously haven't figured out how to edit my comments, yet. Nor can I figure out how to delete my post.... Why can't everything be as easy as facebook? :-)
Gary,
You'll see a small x in the top righthand corner of your own posts. I believe that erases it, but I don't think I've ever tried it myself.
Mike
Yea, I clicked on the x several times. No delete for me. Oh well.
umm, Michael may have the answer to that one, I very rarely delete, don't get me wrong. I often mess up with my posts, but tend to face it like a man and suffer the consequences : )

Purely out of interest, how do you leave the site, never figured that one out?
To edit -- well, I'm going to have to try this out - I do it all the time, but it's like doing a necktie. I'll add the comment, then edit... OK! You click RIGHT ON your TEXT -- right over the surface of your text. It turns pink, just like transmission fluid color. Then you can fix a word, or all the little misspellings that these tiny laptop keys produce, or (shudder) reconsider your own thoughts!!!!!

It turns pink as you roll the mouse over it - then when you click (once) you can edit.
I agree with your first sentiment, but I'm going to have to disagree with the second. There are plenty of psalms that address God as He OR You, it's the writer's choice. And, they describe God to Himself, that's the essence of Worship. It's not for God ultimately, he doesn't need our worship, we need to worship Him.

Absolutely agree with your third sentiment - how many people forgot that Dylan was a believer (really? what happened?) ?

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