Here is a new song recently written entitled "Thank You". This song was written for a teacher who is retiring soon. He was my teacher in high school and now I am also a teacher and have the privilege of working along side him. He has a real fathers heart and this song is written for him to be performed but past and present students.
It is also a reflection of being thankful to Jesus as a reflection of the father.
Thank you for the love you gave
For you gladly gave away
to show the heart of the Father
For you took us to your side
Walked us all through things of life
so we'll always say
Hi Brian, Just uploaded it for you. Cheers. https://soundcloud.com/joshuahalls/thank-you
Brian Lawson said:
Do you have this on SoundCloud? It will be a few days until I get to a pc to listen here, but I can listen on SoundCloud in the meantime. Post a link if you do please.
Thanks for your feedback Brian. Would love to hear your suggestions for lyric edits.
Here are my suggestions - feel free to take or leave them :-)
Verse 1 Line 2 - change "gave away" to "sacrificed".
Verse 1 Line 4 - change "took" to "brought"
Verse 1 Line 5 - Change line to "Taught us truth we need for life"
Verse 2 Line 1 - Change "bring" to either "shine" or "give" or "shed"
Verse 2 Line 3 - Change "bringing" to either "giving" (if give is not used in line 1), or "granting", "offering" (sing as "offring")
Verse 2 Line 4 - change "we bring you" to "we impart"
Verse 2 Line 5 - change "could never say" to "cannot convey"
Refrain line 1 - change to "You have planted seeds of love that will ever grow" or something that will be less common or cliche than "you touched our hearts"
Again, these are only suggestions. I hope this helps. Use of a thesaurus was key in offering different ways of saying the same thing.
Just a quick comment, don't take it too seriously, but for me this one tries too hard to be BOTH a song to honor a teacher and a P/W song. I haven't looked at it with Brian's lyric suggestions, but it looks like they're mostly intended to make it more of a P/W song. My one lyrical observation is that it seems like it bounces back and forth between past tense - "gave," "took us," etc. - and present tense - especially the three uses of "bring" in v2... as a "thank you for being a great teacher" song, past tense might be more appropriate, as a P/W song, present tense.
What Charles said about this song having a tough time allowing a dual interpretation is something that I agree with. My suggested lyric edits were intended to reduce some of the repetitive words and improve on some of the phrases while still maintaining the original meaning(s) of the song. As far as the tense, make sure that my suggested edits, if utilized, are inserted in the proper tense, because I was not careful to suggest them in the proper tense. Past tense on what your teacher friend has done, present tense on what you are doing now (thanking him, praising him etc.).
Let us know if you'd ever like to record these songs in the studio. We'd love to help out.