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Permalink Reply by Charles Wolff on August 10, 2017 at 10:21pm

All right, so lissen, I wrote a whole bunch of notes about this and then I started thinking, "well, what do I know?"  So here's what I wrote down, my reactions, but I may be way off base with this, I haven't been getting enough sleep lately...

I like the recurring structure and the way the whole lyric ties together to make a statement that is nailed down nicely in the chorus. Just reading it, some of the lines felt a little forced... I don't know if it would work or not, but if it was mine, I might try it as "where A wolf and A lamb will stay, where A goat and A leopard lay." I know the biblical reference is "THE lion and THE lamb," but, I dunno, for some reason it started feeling a little weird when some of the other animals came in.

The music (is that Band In a Box I hear?) seems a little old fashioned (like, sixties folk hymns or the old Motown "girl groups"), but I see from scrolling through some of your other songs that you work in a whole bunch of styles.

There are some words in the lyric that are sung kind of uncomfortably - "lion" in verse 2, "will rally" and "Jesse" at the end of the bridge... there are ways to tweeze the lyric so that they sing more comfortably - "the ox and the lion, eating hay," for instance, and I think a song in this type of style, that's important, that there aren't any speed bumps like that.

Umm, would I consider using this one with our worship band? I think I'd pass on it, just because the music is a little too "oldies" for what we're doing. If we did use it, I think I'd want to work on the vocal phrasing, try to make it sound a bit more contemporary, and maybe drop the bridge, it kinda goes off topic a little bit and I'd want to keep the focus tight. Having tumbled onto some of your other songs on soundclick, though, I suspect I could find something of yours that would work for us.

On that vocal phrasing thing, I'm not sure I can explain this, but instead of singing it "(rest) how I'm longing to see the day... (rest) where the wolf..." if it was mine, I might try singing it like, "(how I'm) LONGing to see the day... (where the) WOLF and the lamb..." so that LONG and WOLF hit on the 1 beat. Not that that's exactly modern, the Beatles did it in "From Me To You," but I think it would have more of a flow to it...

By the way, if that is BIAB I hear, are you fairly current on your version? They have a lot of newer styles that get more interesting rhythmically, but at some point - BIAB 2011 - you had to upgrade BIAB to use the newer styles. For my own recordings, I generally use BIAB to do the drums and maybe a keyboard part, but then all the other instruments I do myself so I can add more feeling.

Anyway, hope there's something useful in all that...

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Permalink Reply by angela dittmar on August 10, 2017 at 11:40pm

Hi Charles

THANK YOU so much for taking the time to really listen and crit.

I see what you are saying about "The" and "A" . Not sure if it will make that much difference.

Yes the "LION" in verse 2 is sung differently and I agree - I should tweak that

I do not use BIAB. but I did use the drum patch on a KORG keyboard .

All the other instruments I played one line at a time on the Korg. I really do not "Play" any instrument, so it is a one note at a time thing and so it does not have the feel you get from live playing.

Thanks for looking at my soundclick, and I do write in a variety of genres. However, all my songs still sound 50's and 60's - be it rock, ballads, country, or pop. I guess I am just stuck with those melodic tones.

on this

On that vocal phrasing thing, I'm not sure I can explain this, but instead of singing it "(rest) how I'm longing to see the day... (rest) where the wolf..." if it was mine, I might try singing it like, "(how I'm) LONGing to see the day... (where the) WOLF and the lamb..." so that LONG and WOLF hit on the 1 beat. Not that that's exactly modern, the Beatles did it in "From Me To You," but I think it would have more of a flow to it...

Yes I hear that. I will fix that

I really don't know how to make it sound more modern. Not sure I would want to drop the bridge.

But I will be re-working it!

and once again, thank you!

Blessings

ang :)

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Permalink Reply by angela dittmar on August 12, 2017 at 12:29am

Hi Charles

THANK YOU so much for taking the time to really listen and crit.

I see what you are saying about "The" and "A" . Not sure if it will make that much difference.

Yes the "LION" in verse 2 is sung differently and I agree - I should tweak that

I do not use BIAB. but I did use the drum patch on a KORG keyboard .

All the other instruments I played one line at a time on the Korg. I really do not "Play" any instrument, so it is a one note at a time thing and so it does not have the feel you get from live playing.

Thanks for looking at my soundclick, and I do write in a variety of genres. However, all my songs still sound 50's and 60's - be it rock, ballads, country, or pop. I guess I am just stuck with those melodic tones.

on this

On that vocal phrasing thing, I'm not sure I can explain this, but instead of singing it "(rest) how I'm longing to see the day... (rest) where the wolf..." if it was mine, I might try singing it like, "(how I'm) LONGing to see the day... (where the) WOLF and the lamb..." so that LONG and WOLF hit on the 1 beat. Not that that's exactly modern, the Beatles did it in "From Me To You," but I think it would have more of a flow to it...

Yes I hear that. I will fix that

I really don't know how to make it sound more modern. Not sure I would want to drop the bridge.

But I will be re-working it!

and once again, thank you!

Blessings

ang :)

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