Okay, I wrote this in the 90's when I was in my twenties.  I loved Jesus and I just never found a man Who was as much as a Gentleman as Jesus.  My soul used these words to compare the filling of the Holy Spirit as much more perfect completion than a man.  It's not about sex at all!  I got lashed about 40 times, figuratively speaking, by a couple of atheist guys who degraded me when I had showcased my website online.

I think if I can just change the words to Give Love to the God, instead of make love, it wouldn't make so many people stumble.

To make love to the God


To give love to the God

Whom I have not seen

And I cannot touch,

Is too wonderful to want.

So since I can't reach up

He comes down and fills my cup.

He's so wondrous to me,

My soul's Lover I need.

To be caressed and warmed completely

From my bones to my skin with PEACE.

No man can compare

With such Love so complete.

And the time of You in me

is even throughout my sleep.

Such Joy and completion,

So vibrant and true,

No man can give me

Or be compared to You.

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Definitely deep and thought provoking.  I see now that your new poem is playing on a similar "completion" theme as found in this poem.   

I don't know if you are looking for any suggestions as "feedback" at this point since it is already copyrighted and registered with a PRO.   The only thing I would say is that at the beginning of the poem, you talk about God in the third person, then you change that and talk to God in the first person at the end of the poem.  Typically the song lyric gurus like that to stay consistent throughout one peom / song - if you start out talking about God, keep that consistent throughout the lyric.  If you start out talking to God, keep that consistent throughout the lyric.

Also, my standard recorded message on any "give and get feedback" post:  Please give as good as you get.  Make sure you take the time to give feedback on someone else's song.  It doesn't have to be much - just listen to the song posted for feedback by someone else sometime, and offer back a few thoughts about the song: melody, lyrics, chords, etc., or even just your overall feeling about the song.  


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