Right out of the gate, I know this title is very unoriginal, and if someone has a suggestion, i would gladly hear it; but for now I think it is the most appropriate.

The song can be found here: https://soundcloud.com/bryanjemerson/unashamed-take-5

[EDIT]

I have removed the older recording from soundcloud due to running out of space.  The recording linked to above is closer to the final product, though I have made another lyrics change in the chorus [I will comment on them at the end].

______________________________________________________

Lyrics:

Unashamed

[Verse 1]
Lord I come / Ashamed of the sin
I've embraced with content for so long / That I cannot pay this debt I owe

Lord I come / I bring all I have
These things that have shackled my heart / These beautiful things, these beautiful things

[Pre-Chorus]
So take these idols Lord / I break these idols at your feet / But I need you to set my heart free

[Chorus]
I praise your name / Unashamed and I don’t care who hears / I just need you to draw near
I shout your praise / With wild abandon I don’t care who knows / I worship you and you alone

[Verse 2]
Lord I come / Your changing my heart 
To a fragrance that honors your love / Instead of one that hurts to breathe

Lord I come / I’m fighting my fears 
And wiping my tears on your feet / Your beautiful feet, your beautiful feet

[Chorus]
I praise your name / Unashamed and I don’t care who hears / I just need you to draw near
I shout your praise / With wild abandon I don’t care who knows / I worship you and you alone

[Tag]
I don’t care who knows / I worship you and you alone / You alone

[Pre-Chorus’]
So take these idols Lord / I break these idols Lord / I break these idols at your feet
So take these idols Lord / I break these idols at your feet / But I need you to set my heart free

[Chorus x2]
I praise your name / Unashamed and I don’t care who hears / I just need you to draw near
I shout your praise / With wild abandon I don’t care who knows / I worship you and you alone

I praise your name / Unashamed and I don’t care who hears / I just need you to draw near
I shout your praise / With wild abandon I don’t care who knows / I worship you and you alone

[Tag’]
I don’t care who knows / I worship you and you alone / You alone
I want the world to know / That I worship you and you alone

______________________________________________________

OK, now onto the specifics!

1) The new lyrics in the Chorus are these:

So I praise Your name / Unashamed and I don't care who hears / I only need you to draw near

The line breaks up a monotonous pattern and gives a happy musical bounce where it is reflected in the lyrics.

2) I am contemplating changing the title to "Broken Alabaster" to make it less unoriginal as well as taking the listener to the Biblical context before the song begins.

Thoughts?

I have edited this post and have already made concrete changes to this song, but I would still like input to make it even better.  I am also uploading a crude recording of the chorus change.  Thanks!

Views: 127

Attachments:

Reply to This

Replies to This Discussion

Suggestion on the "key" issue: instead of singing the first verse low and then going "up an octave" for the rest of the song, try singing it all in one octave in the key of D or thereabouts.  There are lots of worship songs these days that use this octave jump trick to make the song more exciting, and any time we decide we want to use one with our congregation / band, we wind up having to move everything into the same range... it's a cool thing to do when you have a singer who can do it, but not so much when you're trying to write a song that a whole congregation can sing.

The thing that - for me - would profit most from a rework is not the lyrics, but the rhythms they're sung to.  There are a bunch of places where the word that gets emphasized by being on a "1" beat is not the important word in the sentence.  Like at the start of the chorus, the word "praise" gets the emphasis (by being on the 1 beat), but then the word "your" is emphasized by being the highest note and the loudest note.  I do like the way you handle "take these idols / I break these idols..."  And were it up to me, I'd make sure that "Your" is the big word, and I think that having it off the beat is de-emphasizing it.

I dunno, probably the same stuff I say about a lot of songs.  Maybe I'm just old.  But I get to the end and I'm not humming the song to myself, and for a congregational song, I think that's important.  And if I had to guess, it's because I think the melody and the lyrics are fighting each other, instead of reinforcing each other...

Something you touched on (the "Your" emphasis) is something I did with your past comments in mind actually.  "Praise" is sung on the 1 since it comes earlier in the sentence, but I combat that with the high note emphasis instead.  Similarly, in the verses I intentionally de-emphasize the word "I" by dropping the note.

I thought about trying it all in one key, and I will mess around with that as well.  I like the octave jump personally, and I believe some songs thrive with the gimmick (cornerstone for example).

Thoughts behind why I include it in this song (just in case you are curious) is that the first verse focuses on my sin while the second verse focuses on God's grace and my repentance.  It just seems fitting to climb up out of the pit if you will.

Odds are, this song will never get sung in my congregation (music minister has some very good points for not playing original music at this point in time), and so as a more or less performance piece, *I* will likely include the octave jump, but that isn't to say that is the *only* or *cannon* way to sing it if someone wanted to change it =]

Great suggestion though, and I will mess around with it to see if I can still get though "from the depths" feeling while keeping it in the same key.

Just wanted to comment that I made some edits to the first post. I removed the original soundcloud link and added a new one with some edits I had been contemplating (and I had listed in the original post as possible edits).  Still have a few questions I would like some input on.  Thanks!

RSS

© 2020       Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service