I am wondering if any of you out there have a spouse where you serve together on the worship team.  Do share the leadership equally, or does one hold more authority than the other?  What advice do you have for people who might be in a similar situation?

 

Here's a little more detail:

My wife and I are both musicians.  Currently, I hold the title of worship leader and she plays in the band.  I am wondering what challenges there might be if we were to change that to be where she has equal authority as worship leader, picking songs, deciding how the arrangements will sound, etc.  She is very talented and bright but we do have slightly different artistic taste at times, and she feels really insecure when I don't see it her way. If I was better at making her feel validated, she wouldn't feel so insecure, but I am still rough around the edges.  It's not that she wants the recognition, she just wants to feel validated.  We haven't discussed this with the church leadership yet.  I am not sure if they will have a problem with that or not.  I don't think they will.  I am curious to know what advice other worship leader couples might have for us.

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It's good to see so many echoing that respect is key. I wholeheartedly agree.

Our prior worship pastors, also friends of ours, are a husband and wife team. They have spent the better part of 10 years traveling the world together - teaching, ministering, and sowing in to the lives of countless numbers of hungry people for Jesus. They are effective, compassionate, respectful, edifying, and work very smoothly together. They are in their early 30's, and I am impressed that they have developed this marriage of love and purpose so harmoniously together at such a young age. Are they the exception to the rule? I hope not. It begins with respect, and from that respect blooms the ability to be effective (thus also strengthening the marriage). If there is no respect, then it is obvious in the fruit of their labor, in the outward appearances, and whether obvious or not, therein the marriage itself.

BTW, my husband and I serve together. I am a worship leader, and he is the lead sound engineer at church. We also minister together outside of church, in the same capacity in our recording studio. If any politics arise within our own situation, it ALWAYS stems from outside of us/our ministry. We don't get involved in draining church politics. We don't tear each other down. We lift up each other's giftings, and allow and equip each other to step into our destinies.

One last thought... Even though I am a "titled" worship leader at church, I strongly believe that regardless of whether you have a title, if you usher in the worship, you are a worship leader. When titles get in the way of humility, effectiveness, and massage ego, then you should really evaluate your heart and ask yourself why you are worshiping. Better yet, ask the Holy Spirit. He'll tell you flat out, and you might not want to hear it.
My wife and I are also in the music team at church. She is definitely more gifted than me. I lead the worship most of the time when I am on the platform. Our music ministry leader is our pastor's wife. She does want the worship leader to make most of the decisions in any given service.
The point I think is that being the leader doesn't validate one more than anyone else on the music team. It's all very important. I do listen to other peoples suggestions and ideas and even encourage input at times when I might not necesarilly need it. God can speak through any one on the team and I enjoy letting others be used by God. It makes them feel important.
My husband and I both serve together in music ministry. Me on vocals, keys, my husband on drums and sound. We have our tiffs but they're pretty few and far between and usually as a result of stress or fatigue build up. What seems to work for us is delegation: We each have our tasks and do our best to support one another as we execute them.

It's a little different for us though in that I am the lead singer and play keys, he is on drums and takes charge of sound set up. We have found that as far as over all leadership is concerned, i.e. final authority and communication with leadership, it is best when he is that point man and not me.

We talk and pray together about what is to be done in any given situation so that we are unified, but I work really hard to let him be the final answer. The buck seems to actually STOP that way rather than just continue to trickle down hill...... if that makes any sense.

Artistically I tend to be the point person and creative designer, though he defiantly contributes significantly to the process.

In all the areas, leadership, vision, etc it is important to allow full communication between us to flow, conflict and hurt feelings in both of us results when one of us feels we've been ignored or rail-roaded. We work best when we both feel we've been heard and we are in complete agreement.

We love working together and found it to be such a powerful ministry as a husband/wife team. Conflict does and will happen, but our experience has been that when we keep our egos in check and remember to put our marriage FIRST under Christ, it always works out .

I'll be praying for your ministry. It will work out 'Cause when the Holy Spirit's in charge, UNITY and power happens every time!

Blessings!
Hey Piano Guy... First off let me say as I read your original entry, I was like "is this guy watching me?... did someone on my team write this about us?". Your entry is my wife and I word for word. But in a nutshell... I grew up in our current church, she in another. I was "groomed" for worship ministry and was eventually titled the "Worship/Music Minister". I met my wife at Bible College while studying Music Ministry, when we finished college and came home my Pastor asked me if she'd be interested in being a part of the music ministry as she was a musician (Acoustic Gtr) and a BEAUTIFUL singer . (side note: she was the worship leader at her former church before meeting me, so she was already a "leader"). Our Pastor recognized the anointing WE carried in leading worship. So we are both considered the worship leader"s", and I am okay with that. BUT here is where a line must be drawn. When something cannot be agreed upon in the music ministry, I make the final say! Sometimes it causes her to feel invalidated, sometimes she respects my decision later down the road. Piano Guy let me say this to you as someone did earlier. You cannot be fearful of others doing a better job then you and clinching to your "title". Thats not the right heart to have as a Christian and especially for a worship leader. Your wife is your wife FIRST, if she has the anointed and calling to lead worship, who are you to stand in the way? You know why I say that? Because it was a lesson I had to learn. Once I got out of the way and let God use her, WOW how our ministry flourished! We both carry the anointing in leading worship, but when we come in agreement/unity for the purposes of God... then He can really move and allow the congregation to enter into His presence because WE/SELF is now out of the way, and we're pointing UPWARDS to God, not ourselves. You see, I know my wife knows so much more than me vocally and she can sing way better than me, and the church knows it too. But I on the other hand have more knowledge than her in the musician/instrument aspect (I play the keys and a some of the other instruments too). BUT TOGETHER we're a great team. So since we both have the ability to lead worship, we BOTH lead. I lead 1st and 3rd Sundays... she leads 2nd and 4th Sundays. We both play on each other's team and let each other lead. Now, of course once in a while we tend to over step each other, but we have a little talk after rehearsal and settle it then. NEVER LET THE TEAM SEE YOUR DISAGREEMENTS cause then that opens the door for them to do the same.

Wow, I didnt mean to get into this much, lol. Sorry! I hope you can hear my heart here. I am not trying to say "I've arrived" and have it figured out", but I have been in your shoes and can relate... and I have learned from it. If you ever want more advice or follow up... I love sharing thoughts/ideas/experiences/Suggestions/etc with other brothers and sisters in the Lord that are worship musicians. Hit me up MSignor83@gmail.com. Be Blessed.

-MS-
For many years I have been music minister/chief musician/worship pastor, with my wife in many different roles -- including choir director, where she had authority over me in the actual conduct of the rehearsal (your director cannot be a puppet). This can be dangerous in appearance -- a common discussion over a musical matter can look like marital strife to someone who is accustomed to seeing things that way! If I could give you any "advice" in your situation, it would be what the salesman said in Music Man - "know the territory!" And if you have artistic differences, try to get a working consensus BEFORE the rehearsal -- a few minutes of discussion may save hours of fixing things later.

But we love working with each other. And you have the joy of having many hours to share ideas about the music, which mere associates don't have. You also have the opportunity to show your church family something very precious -- a couple who truly love each other. If you can function well together with equal or almost-equal authority, I guarantee that will make an good and long-lasting impression.

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