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Like an Avalanche

This is a song I wrote a while back and have been looking at again. I would love to hear what you guys think of it and if you have any ideas/suggestions/criticisms. I just recorded it on my phone, so apologies for the quality... :) Blessings!

Verse 1:
Turn my heart from selfish gain
Let me look to You alone
Turn my eyes from worthless things (can't decide between "worthless" or "worldly" - any ideas?)
Let me follow You alone

Pre-chorus:
One thing I desire is to dwell in Your presence
One thing that I seek is to gaze upon Your beauty

Chorus:
Draw me close,
Enfold me in Your loving arms
Sing over me,
Let Your melody flood my heart

Verse 2:
May I live a life of love,
Let me see the world as You do.
May my praise bless Your Name,
Let all that I do honour You.

Bridge:
Like an avalanche, Your love overtakes me
Like a hurricane, Your love overwhelms me
Oh rain down Your love on me
Oh rain down Your love

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Attachments:

Like an Avalanche 1.mp3, 3.6 MB

Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Zachary Rumley on April 7, 2014 at 9:01pm

Very nice. I would keep the word "worthless" in the first verse, but that's just my opinion. Nice work, sounds great!

Permalink Reply by Rebecca Patterson on April 7, 2014 at 9:04pm

Thanks for the feedback, Zachary! :) I tend to agree with you...I thought that 'worldly' might be a bit vague but have still been keeping it as an option - I think you've helped me make my decision! I appreciate the advice! :)

Permalink Reply by Ed Brown on April 7, 2014 at 9:07pm

I like the song. May want to rethink the title. "Like an Avalanche" is a decently popular Hillsong tune. May cause some confusion when introducing it and referencing it. Maybe something like "Flood My Heart" or "Melody". As to your question about "Worthless or worldly?" I think worthless flows better and fits the message better. Just an opinion. I like the heart of the song. Maybe take the word "That" out of the 2nd line in the pre-chorus. to draw attention to the "I" holding it out a little?

Nice job. I love original songs of worship. Sometimes we tend to just cover the "popular songs" when maybe a song that we write can better reflect the heart of what the congregation is going through. Make's it their own reflection and prayer to the Lord. Keep it up. :)

Permalink Reply by Rebecca Patterson on April 7, 2014 at 9:12pm

Thanks so much for listening to it, Edward!

Sho...I've really struggled with the title! I think the most obvious one (and the one that captures the song idea best) would be "Draw me Close" - but there are SO many songs with that title, so I was trying to go for something a bit more original. Ah, I actually completely forgot about the Hillsong song - in my mind, I thought it was simply called "Avalanche". Yes, I'll definitely have to think of another title - thanks for the suggestions!

Yes, I think I am going to go with "worthless"!

Thanks so much for your feedback and encouragement, I really appreciate it! :)

Permalink Reply by Ed Brown on April 7, 2014 at 10:10pm

Have you written more?

Permalink Reply by Rebecca Patterson on April 8, 2014 at 8:11am

Yes, I have! I generally write a few songs every month (depending on how inspired I am...) but only a couple of those ever get finished, I'm afraid. :) Oh, and what do you think of this idea for the song title: "One Desire (Draw me Close)"? I think that it captures the heart of the song more effectively than "Like an Avalanche"... :)

Permalink Reply by Ed Brown on April 8, 2014 at 2:45pm

I like it! That may be the direction you want to go. Or even just "One Desire" Either way is good. And I understand about writing and not finishing. I've written plenty, but we only use a handful in our congregation. Keep it up! :)

Permalink Reply by Rebecca Patterson on April 8, 2014 at 2:57pm

Thanks Edward! :)

Permalink Reply by Roscoe Rea on April 7, 2014 at 11:05pm

Love it! I echo Edward's thoughts regarding the title. I really like that bridge, I'm impressed!

At my first listen I didn't like how "draw" took up two syllable's worth of melody, but by the time I listened through again it grew on me, so I doubt it's worth changing. Maybe try playing it with a line that's one syllable longer (closER?) and see if you like that- I'm not certain you will, songs don't always have to be perfectly symmetrical.

Great song, I'm especially a fan of the bridge. Looking forward to hearing more from you!

Permalink Reply by Rebecca Patterson on April 8, 2014 at 8:16am

Thanks so much, Roscoe! Yup, I'm thinking of changing the title to: "One Desire (Draw me Close)" - what do you think? I can't think of anything else and I think it's good that I'm changing the title because "Like an Avalanche" didn't capture the song idea very effectively anyway....

I've been playing around with the melody of the first line of the chorus ("draw me close") - I've tried to make it longer in terms of syllables, but it's not working very well. What I do think works better (coz the two syllables on "draw" have also always bothered me) is to change "draw" to one note (so make it like "sing" in the 3rd line) and then give "me" 3 melody notes. I don't know if any of this makes sense, but I think it sounds better that way, so thanks for pointing that out! :)

Permalink Reply by Roscoe Rea on April 9, 2014 at 3:36am

I like it! Parenthetical subtitles are the bomb.

I understand what you're suggesting, and it sounds good in my head!

Permalink Reply by Rebecca Patterson on April 9, 2014 at 9:18am

Glad you like the changes, Roscoe! :) And thanks so much for taking the time to comment! :)