This is a song I wrote a while back and have been looking at again. I would love to hear what you guys think of it and if you have any ideas/suggestions/criticisms. I just recorded it on my phone, so apologies for the quality... :) Blessings!
Verse 1:
Turn my heart from selfish gain
Let me look to You alone
Turn my eyes from worthless things (can't decide between "worthless" or "worldly" - any ideas?)
Let me follow You alone
Pre-chorus:
One thing I desire is to dwell in Your presence
One thing that I seek is to gaze upon Your beauty
Chorus:
Draw me close,
Enfold me in Your loving arms
Sing over me,
Let Your melody flood my heart
Verse 2:
May I live a life of love,
Let me see the world as You do.
May my praise bless Your Name,
Let all that I do honour You.
Bridge:
Like an avalanche, Your love overtakes me
Like a hurricane, Your love overwhelms me
Oh rain down Your love on me
Oh rain down Your love
Tags:
Thanks for listening, Bob! I appreciate it! :)
I agree with Zachary. I would use the word"worthless" as it seems to flow with with "selfish.
Thanks so much for your input, Anderson! It is much appreciated! I am indeed going to go with "worthless"... :)
I enjoyed the song. I think worthless is the word to use in the first verse and from your feedback, I think you agree. I also agree with Ed concerning the title. First, it does sound like a Hillsong title. Secondly, the words "Like An Avalanche" don't come to the later part of the song. To me, the hook of the song in the line "Let Your melody flood my heart." I think that your title should be tied into that line somehow.
Thanks Anderson! I'm still thinking about the title - it's a tricky one, haha! :)
Turn my heart from selfish gain
Let me look to you once again
Turn my eyes from worthless things
Let me feel the peace your love brings
This song is okay but what do you think of the changes i made to make it flow better?
Do you have the music set? I might have written "Help Me Follow You Home in the 4th line of the first verse to have a rhyme scheme to the 2nd line, since you rhymed the 2nd and 4th line in the 2nd verse; and then repeated the 4th line in a 5th line in both verses, I totally love how you explained the seeking of "Turn my eyes from 'worthless' things." I kind of like the bridge as the chorus and the chorus as the bridge, love the flow of the words . . .seems so singable and meaningful; and is the bread of the song, really. Your words are heartfelt and communicate so much to others. I have felt those very same words.
Oh, I see the link to the music. Sry. It is late at night and will listen tomorrow. Maybe as I listen to the music my previous suggestions will make zero sense.
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